Thursday, June 30, 2011

Jimmy Kimmel unveils 'Michele Bachmann's story of America'

ABC's Jimmy Kimmel announced Tuesday a new educational film by Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann.

The Minnesota Republican has recently mistaken John Wayne for John Wayne Gacy and insisted John Quincy Adams was a Founding Father.

"I like when politicians who screw up go find like a single sentence in the back of a high school history book and then use that as their defense, as if that's what they meant the whole time," Kimmel said. "And that's what she's doing. And not only is Michele Bachmann sticking to this Founding Father thing, she's working on -- I don't know if it's a documentary or some sort of educational film, but it's something to teach kids about American history."

"In 1775, Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Adams set sail across the Delaware River to tell the King of England they had enough of his liberal agenda," an actor posing as Bachmann explained in the film. "King James called Napoleon and together they decided to kill America."

"They sent the Nina, the PiƱata and the Santa Maria to fight. But then, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln gathered an army to turn back the big government dictators. They told Paul Revere to ride his horse to Frodo. But then, John Wilkes Booth showed up and killed Lincoln. But there was still hope, because Jesus appeared on the face of the Liberty Bell and he froze John Wilkes Booth in carbonite. And the liberal homosexuals sailed back to their gay country, while Americans claimed their land and drank beer. And that's how freedom was born."